Wrap It Before You Tap It

Wrap It Before You Tap It

            Out of all first world which would you suspect teen pregnancy be the highest? Of course not our prefect country, but yet surprisingly it is. The United States has 305,388 teenagers’ ages fifteen to nineteen give live births a year. That is about 29.4 births per one thousand female teens population (“Teen Birth”). Leann came from an extremely strict home. She was only seventeen when she came home and had to tell her parents she had messed up and was going to be expecting a baby. After telling her parents her mother even kicked her out of the house and told her she was never welcomed back hone. She had been dating a guy at school for six months. They broke up and she found out she was pregnant. Leann was alone and afraid. She finally called the baby daddy and he was so happy and told her he was going to be there every step of the way. They got back together. LeAnn’s mom soon got over the fact she was going to be a grandmother and accepted it (LeAnn). If condoms would have been offered at her school do you think LeAnn’s story would even exist?

            The distribution of condoms in school can be a sensitive action for some. Offering condoms in high schools across American is an idea that some people are completely opposed to for many reasons. Some say schools should be teaching against underage sexual activity. Also, it is supporting them to engage in intercourse, it is encouraging risky behavior. Citizens say schools should support abstinence. Taxpayers in American do not want to be taxed on a subject they do not agree on. Presenting condoms in school has potential to offend people from different religions. For example, Catholics who do not believe in birth control or any contraceptive devices. Young teenagers will establish sexual activity as a norm and feel peer pressure to participate in sex. Often, teenagers are not responsible enough or mature enough to handle sexual activity.

            While these are all good reasons, but what about the youth who wants to be safe while having intercourse and does not have the money to afford a box of condoms? Maybe there should be limits on giving out the condoms. All of the reasons are valuable and are very upright reasons that no one should ignore. By providing condoms to high school students across America is a wise investment for our government funds, would be the most effective way to prevent sexually transmitted diseases (STD) and unplanned teen pregnancies, and even educate them on practicing safe sex.

            Instead of thinking about all the bad more and more teens are becoming sexually active. One reason to have condoms distributed in high school is a wise investment to our government funds because the United State government spends a fortune each year on public health problems generated by risky sexual behaviors. The cost is escalating with the many children with unplanned pregnancies over a lifetime can be astronomical. Also, the cost of treating people with human immunodeficiency virus (HIV) can be massive. By providing condoms to teens this will minimize these health problems. With condoms being the most effective way to prevent the unwanted disease and pregnancies it is a wise choice for our government to allow contraceptive devices to be placed in school so they will have more money in their own pockets and not in hospitals. We all know our government officials love money. For their own cost it is easily the most money efficient way to protect their future by protecting these threats (Chen).

            Teens are going to engage in sex with or without condoms, so making them available right down the hall would help. Every day thousands of teenagers are putting not only themselves, but also others in danger to STD’s, pregnancies, and even serve emotional distress. Providing young adults with options of condoms would decrease these risks dramatically (Powell). In 2008, the Center for Disease Control released a study showing that one in four teenage females in the United States have at least one STD infection. That is nearly half of African-American teenage girls had at least one sexually transmitted infection. Promotion for condom distribution in public schools points their studies as evidence of importance for providing them to sexually active teens. Making condoms available in schools increased the likelihood and sexually active teens will use condoms. A study published in 1997 in the American Journal of Public Health (in New York Times) found that students who attended schools with condoms distribution were more likely to report safe sex practices during the last intercourse they had, while students who attended schools without these programs did not have safe sex (Chen). Society just needs to accept that teens are going to have unprotected sex due to the lack of the availability of protection.

            With distributing condoms in public schools I think they should be educated on what they are encountering. Before the program starts what would be beneficial to have a safe sex program the school must go through. While some people may argue that condom distribution is a misguided solution due to that it influences promiscuity. However, this is wrong because teens are very capable to make good choices they just need to be informed. If they have all their questions answered, teens are going to make better choices. Our society needs to care less about drilling abstinence in our youth’s heads, and instead start educating them on how to protect them because it is going to happen (–). The opposition of offering condoms in school is to educate students that if they are going to have intercourse how to be safe. Free access to condoms at school students will more than likely take one and also use one. Nowadays the only form of sexual education is abstinence based. How are teenagers supposed to use what they have learned if they are not fully and properly educated on the choices they choose (Powell).

            Not every teenager is going to have sex, but our country has a growing problem. More and more teenage girls are becoming mothers and catching deadly diseases. Schools need to start trying to bandaid the issue and make the decision to improve the education of protection. Stop thinking is it morally right or wrong and start thinking how to protect my children. It is a proven fact that condoms decrease sexually transmitted infections. If a school has an option to provide the students with condoms I hope they choose to educate and distribute them. Do we all want better for our children?

           

           

           

           

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Works Cited

Chen, Grace. “Modern Sex Ed: Should Public Schools Provide

            Condoms to Students? | PublicSchoolReview.com.” Public

            School Review. N.p., n.d. Web. 02 May 2014.

 

D Kirby, N D Brener, N L Brown, N Peterfreund, P Hillard, and R

            Harrist.  The impact of condom availability [correction of

            distribution] in Seattle schools on sexual behavior and

            condom use. American Journal of Public Health February

            1999: Vol. 89, No. 2, pp. 182-187. doi:

            10.2105/AJPH.89.2.182

 

LeAnn. “Shared » Stories.” Real Stories… Real Lives. N.p., n.d.

            Web. 02 May 2014.

 

Powell, Amber. “Give Teens Condoms In High School.” Teen Ink.

            N.p., n.d. Web. 02 May 2014.

“Teen Births.” Centers for Disease Control and Prevention.

            Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, 25 Feb. 2014.

            Web. 26 Apr. 2014. 

 

Rough Draft: Thoughts

After talking with my classmates I have decided to change my essay strategy. For my intro I think I will go in having a good attitude about torture to get the readers approval since it is such a touchy subject. Then I plan on sticking to WWII concentration camps and show how they tortured the jews. I think narrowing into one period in time will help the readers understand what it is and how it was really used. Then help define torture and show how it is really used and how it should be used. If I would have known this topic was going to be this hard I think I would have changed, but I can’t so hoping for the best! 

Torture Essay: Rough Draft

          Could you ever imagine being taken from your family, handcuffed, and maybe even beaten all just for people to ask you questions that you may or may not know the answer to? This is how torturing came about in the world. (Help)

            Is there no moral value when complying with the law? Armando says “A culture of tolerance of torture is a growing in our country, a typical example by the ready acceptance of Alberto Gonzales as fit to be Attorney General, despite his central role in the implantations of the Bush administration policy of torture.” There is many tools interrogators can use that do not involve physical abuse. They spread rumors to the prisoners, question them until they are ran down, and even threaten to turn them over to other intelligence services known to engage in torture. All of these can lead to where exactly the golden egg may be, but sadly will begin abuse. It is no use to say torture never works, because the French authorities learned in Algeria, when the Filipinos learned with their own Muslims and as the Dubai authorities learned in Qaeda terrorist, torture periodically does work and in some cases possibly avert major attack (–).

            While it has been true that the threat of torture induces more anxiety among the prisoners more than the torture itself. The threat of it will carry over in time if it becomes widely known, but jailers have no record of it. “Fear is often interrogators best ally, but it does not have a long shelf life.” There such thing as a monster, it is when someone stays with the prisoner until they break and tell. “Being a monster is so hard for an interrogator to endure, it was something important at stake and the prisoner seemed close to breaking. One would sit in the booth for twenty-nine hours while the others would sleep, then we would trade.” Mackey says.

 

 

Blog 5

Dear Commander in Chief, 

     My name is McKenzie Wren and a student at Oklahoma City University. It has came to my attention that Syrian women are not allowed to drive. To me that sounds crazy! Being in a free country and having the right to go anywhere we want without even questioning it. I know you are about to fly to Syria to talk to the United Nations and I think you should not only address this situation, but fix it. As a woman I can only imagine not being able to drive and being a stay at home mom and one of my children get deadly sick and not being able to take he/she anywhere for help because my husband is not there to drive me. I would just have to watch my own child die, but knowing if I had a car and was able to drive a possibility of saving his life.

   My solution to fix it would to be first, suggest stop signs (since they do not have any). This way if they think women would cause more wrecks everyone would have to be more cautious with the new law of stopping. Then, when you arrived in Syria I would have a brave woman dressed as a man to get into the drivers seat and drive you around you’re entire stay in this country. When the topic is addressed I would then announce what you have done and see what their reaction is. I know at first the Syrian male citizens will not be happy, but I think after realizing no one was injured and there was no wrecks they will come around. Tell them a story of a woman having to watch her young child die because her husband was gone and there was no way to seek help for the child because she was not allowed to drive.Stress the death of the young child and could they ever imagine not only losing a child, but also having to watch them die and suffer because of some silly law. 

  Hopefully this works, 

McKenzie Wren 

 

Essay Two: Journalist

Concern for Others is a Concern for You

         

   “And now lets all get on our feet and welcome to the floor the Oklahoma Twisters Shining Starz!” the announcer screams into the microphone. The boys and girls spirit onto the big blue mat with no fear. They absolutely love all the people. The children think they are famous. We help them get set and show everyone what they have been working so hard on. “Ding! Ding!” and here we go. The bright lights shine on them and they perform a solid routine with no mistakes. The whole audience screams with joy and excitement for the kids. Some even start to cry and they receive a medal on stage. All of their had work had paid off. Us volunteers had done our job in preparing them to succeed in the competition and help them achieve their goal. The Oklahoma Twisters Shinning Starz is a special needs cheerleading team. Most of the children suffer from Down syndrome and autism. I have worked as a volunteer there for two years and could not express the feeling you get when they go on stage and they do everything they have practiced. It gives you a million butterflies in your stomach and your heart is fluttering like your junior high hunk said “hi” to you in the hallway. Why does volunteering give people a feeling of happiness and self-esteem?

            Lending out a helping hand to a fellow neighbor has always been a compassionate behavior (Moeller). A volunteer is someone who does an act of duty and does not get paid for it. With our busy lives, it can be difficult to make time. But the benefits of volunteering can be huge for a person, their family, and community. The right match could lead you to building new friendships, skills, and could even help your career. It can also help protect your mental and physical health (Saisan).

            The first benefit to finding inner peace through volunteering is that it connects you to others. It has an impact on the community. Unpaid volunteers are what can hold a community together. It allows you to connect to your community and help make it a better place for everyone. And even in an angelic circle, a community with having a lot of volunteers is more stable, and is a better place to live in. As you get older your social connects slowly degrade, family and friends move away or die. Volunteering can replace these ties and make new ones (Moeller). Dedicating your life to volunteering can help you make new friends, expand your social and work skills, and also boost your self-esteem (Saisan). The one thing people want to die knowing is that they have made a difference in the world. “There is a deep sense of meaning particularly as people take stock of their lives as they get older.” Fried said (Moeller). In the time I spent volunteering I saw made new friends within the group. All of the athletes welcomed me with arms wide open. Each and every one of them knew just how to make you smile. It also benefited my family, because no matter how my day was when I came home from volunteering with the team there was no doubt that I was in a terrific mood. My spirits were so high and uplifted.

            Volunteering is also good for the human mind and body. It can provide a healthy boost to your self- confidence. When you are doing well for others it provides the natural emotion of accomplishment. Your role as a volunteer can also give a sense of pride. The better you feel about yourself, the more likely to have a positive attitude in life and in any future goals (Saisan). Among teenagers who volunteer the research findings from a retired sociologist from University of Wisconsin, Jane Allyn Piliavin, volunteering has a positive effect on grades in school, self-concept, and their attitudes towards their education (Moeller). Researchers at the London School of Economics examined the relationships between volunteering and measures of happiness in large groups of American adults. They found that the more people volunteered, the happier they were, according to the study in Social Science and Medicine. They compared with people who did not, the odds of being “very happy” rose seven percent amidst to those who volunteer monthly rose twelve percent, for those who volunteer every two to four weeks. Weekly volunteers sixteen percent felt very happy.

            When you are active in volunteering you are reducing the risk of depression. The risk factor of depression is social isolation, but volunteering keeps people in a constant contact with others. This also helps you build a strong support system. They can protect you from turning to depression in hard tines (Saisan). When I was volunteering I had to face the fact that my Papa was losing his battle with Renal Cell cancer. He was in and out of the hospital for about a year with different issues. When I was at their practice it was like my escape. I would walk in and leave all my problems at the door because my special need athletes just made me forget all about my own problems. They knew when I was upset and would come over and hug me and try to make it better.

            Volunteering also keeps are physically fit. It is beneficial for anyone, but especially for older adults. There have been studies shown those who have volunteered have a lower morality rate than those who do not volunteer. Volunteering has also been shown to lessen the symptoms of chronic pain and even heart disease (Saisan). There have been studies shown that volunteering has been able to reduce the rate of high-school dropouts, drug usage, and even teen pregnancies (Moeller). Linda Fried, a professor of public health at Columbia University Medical Center says that our life expectancy raises the need to engage in activities in our later years. She says,” one way to increase your life expectancy is to stay physically and socially active. Volunteering can help achieve both of these goals.” In my experience when I was volunteering with this team I was constantly lifting and spotting these kids. Some of these children do to their disability were not able to get proper exercise. We would have to lift them or help them do these skills. My body was in tiptop shape. Being physically fit can help everyone be more self-confident and in return helps find inner peace in self-esteem.

            According to Mark Snyder, a psychologist and head of the Center for the Study of the Individual and Society at the University of Minnesota, “People who volunteer tend to have a higher self-esteem, psychological well- being, and happiness. All of these things go up as their feelings of social connectedness goes up.” (Moeller). Volunteering has no negative effects on us as humans, except time. “Concern for others and concern for yourself can compliment one another.” Snyder said. We should all find a way to do good for others, but at the same time do some good for you. Make volunteering a part of your social life and implant it into your social networks (Moeller).

 

Here is a link to their performance at the National Cheer Competition in Dallas, Texas.

http://www.varsity.com/event/1813/2014_nca_nda_allstar

           

Essay Two

McKenzie Wren

Professor Rebecca Gordon

Essay 2

24 March 2014

Volunteering

            “And now lets all get on our feet and welcome to the floor the Oklahoma Twisters Shining Starz!” the announcer screams into the microphone.  The boys and girls spirit onto the big blue mat with no fear. They absolutely love all the people. The children think they are famous. We help them get set and show everyone what they have been working so hard on. “Ding! Ding!” and here we go. The bright lights shine on them and they perform a solid routine with no mistakes. The whole audience screams with joy and excitement for the kids. Some even start to cry and they receive a medal on stage. All of their had work had paid off. Us volunteers had done our job in preparing them to succeed in the competition and help them achieve their goal. The Oklahoma Twisters Shinning Starz is a special needs cheerleading team. Most of the children suffer from Down syndrome and autism. I have worked as a volunteer there for two years and could not express the feeling you get when they go on stage and they do everything they have practiced. It gives you a million butterflies in your stomach and your heart is fluttering like your junior high hunk said “hi” to you in the hallway.  Why does volunteering give people a feeling of happiness and self-esteem?  

            A volunteer is someone who does an act of duty and does not get paid for it. With our busy lives, it can be difficult to make time. But the benefits of volunteering can be huge for a person, their family, and community. The right match could lead you to building new friendships, skills, and could even help your career. It can also help protect your mental and physical health (Saisan).

            The first benefit to finding inner peace through volunteering is that it connects you to others. It has an impact on the community. Unpaid volunteers are what can hold a community together. It allows you to connect to your community and help make it a better place for everyone. Dedicating your life to volunteering can help you make new friends, expand your social and work skills, and also boost your self-esteem (Saisan).  In the time I spent volunteering I saw made new friends within the group. All of the athletes welcomed me with arms wide open. Each and every one of them knew just how to make you smile. It also benefited my family, because no matter how my day was when I came home from volunteering with the team there was no doubt that I was in a terrific mood. My spirits were so high and uplifted.

            Volunteering is also good for the human mind and body. It can provide a healthy boost to your self- confidence. When you are doing good for others it provides the natural emotion of accomplishment. Your role as a volunteer can also give a sense of pride. The better you feel about yourself, the more likely to have a positive attitude in life and in any future goals (Saisan). Researchers at the London School of Economics examined the relationships between volunteering and measures of happiness in large groups of American adults. They found that the more people volunteered, the happier they were, according to the study in Social Science and Medicine. They compared with people who did not, the odds of being “very happy” rose seven percent amidst to those who volunteer monthly rose twelve percent, for those who volunteer every two to four weeks. Weekly volunteers sixteen percent felt very happy.   

            When you are active in volunteering you are reducing the risk of depression. The risk factor of depression is social isolation, but volunteering keeps people in a constant contact with others. This also helps you build a strong support system. They can protect you from turning to depression in hard tines (Saisan).  When I was volunteering I had to face the fact that my Papa was losing his battle with Renal Cell cancer. He was in and out of the hospital for about a year with different issues. When I was at their practice it was like my escape. I would walk in and leave all my problems at the door because my special need athletes just made me forget all about my own problems. They knew when I was upset and would come over and hug me and try to make it better.

            Volunteering also keeps are physically fit. It is beneficial for anyone, but especially for older adults.  There have been studies shown those who have volunteered have a lower morality rate than those who do not volunteer. Volunteering has also been shown to lessen the symptoms of chronic pain and even heart disease (Saisan). 

Blog 4: Creative Argument

Child abuse is an ongoing, but pushed under the rug topic in the United States. When trying to decide what to do for this assignment there were a lot of different things come to mind. Friday afternoon I was checking Facebook- a popular social media site- and stumbled along an article about a fourteen year old girl who hid her pregnancy from her parents and had the baby in her bathroom using only a pair of scissors. When the baby boy was born and she saw it was alive she strangled the baby to death and hid it in a shoebox in the back of her closet. One day while her mom was cleaning her room she smelled an awful smell under some clothes in her closet floor, when she picked up the dirty clothes and opened the box and saw the dead child she was flabbergasted. She immediately called her sister who then called the cops. The fourteen year old girl is now in jail and is being charged as an adult. After reading this article I knew exactly what I was going to do this project over.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=epBJhW5SAV4   

14-Year-Old Girl Arrested For Secretly Giving Birth In Bathroom, Killing Son And Throwing Him Away

.     I chose a babydoll to represent the abused babies across the country that have been murdered due to selfish moms who think they can not take care of a child or those who simply just have no desire to. The facts I have chosen to write on the baby doll is the show the real stuff about this terrible thing. A innocent child does not deserve in enter a cruel world and have their life ended because a mom does not want it or can not take care of it. That is what adoption is for. So many people would kill to have a child, but can not due to health issues or other complications. This is to show all the horrible things that go on all over the world due to murders. This is their justice and even though they are gone maybe their story will speak the justice for them and get this problem solved.

Pro-war Blog: Where Were You

Link to video: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gPHnadJ-0hE

I chose the song “Where Were You When the World Stopped Turning” by Alan Jackson. This song was written right after September 11^th, 2001 when we had a terrorist hijack four planes and crash two into the Twin Towers in New York City and the pentagon. While the fourth one crashed into a field. I feel like this is a pro-war song.  Jackson wanted to write a song telling the world his feelings. It took many weeks he said, because he did not want to write a patriotic song. But he didn’t wan to forget how he and many other Americans felt that day.

It all started October 28^th 2001 when he woke up with the melody, chorus, and opening lines in the early morning hours.  While still in his undies he sang it all in a hand-held recorded so he would not forget them. Later, after his wife and children went to Sunday school he sat down and began to study what he had dreamed and completed the song. The verses of the song focus on the reactions of Americans in question forms.  In the first verse he asks, “Did you weep for the children who lost their dear loved ones? And pray for the ones who don’t know? Did you rejoice for the people who walked from the rubble and sob for the ones left below?” In the second verse he asks, “Did you feel guilty ’cause you’re a survivor? In a crowded room did you feel alone? Did you open your eyes, hope it never happened? Close your eyes and not go to sleep? Did you go out and buy a gun?” In the third verse he questions us Americans, “id you go to a church and hold hands with some strangers? Did you stand in line and give your own blood? Did you just stay home and cling tight to your family? Thank God you had somebody to love?” I feel as if this is supposed to make you wonder and remember the emotions you had that day. Mr. Jackson is persuading the American people to go to war and to fight for what is right and our freedom. In the chorus Alan sums up his own emotions and thoughts. By singing “a singer of a simple song” and “not a real political man” and finally paraphrasing the Bible Corinthians chapter thirteen verse three saying “ Faith, hope, and love are some of the good things he gave us and the greatest is love.”  He is implying that whatever our nation is going through we will all come together to love one another and our country.

Jackson felt very uneasy about recording it and even more about releasing it. He did not want to bring back up the horrific day, and even more capitalizing it. After playing it for his wife and producer they approved and he went to the studio to record it. When he finished the track the executives just went blank and just looked around.

The critical response was positive. There was nothing negative about it. Our whole nation supported it and the war we were about to endure. I think this song was definitely a positive pro-war ad. With the questions, getting everyone to stop and think about what has happened and what were we actually doing when it all happened. Another thing is the chorus using his own emotions telling us as listener what he thinks and showing us he I just an American citizen who is just as upset with the tragedy as the rest of us. Pro-war is wanting to get revenge on the person who did this to our country and to seek justice. 

Conflict Resolution Final Draft

A Way Out

            Is there ever a way out of being a caretaker to an obese person? Ever since I can recall, my Grandma Vivian has been struggling with her weight. She now weighs almost three hundred pounds. When I was a toddle, she lived on her own in a very small house in Blanchard, Oklahoma. Once her weight got to the point where it was to dangerous to live on her own, my uncle Mark (her son) invited Grandma Vivian into his home just on the other side of town.  He has always been her caretaker when she was not able to do anything on her own. He has basically put his life on hold in order to meet her needs and make sure she had everything. With his story of being a co-depender of my Grandma, he is facing some of the toughest times in his life.

Uncle Mark has five children with his ex-wife Colby, Cassie, Laura, Bayliegh, and Preston. They all lived in a four-bedroom three-bathroom home. As you can tell it was already pretty packed in there, so adding another person to the equation just caused chaos. Not only did Grandma Vivian come to stay, she also had to bring her three dogs that were inside pets. Uncle Mark could not tell his mom “no”, so now there were eight people in a house plus three dogs. Everyone in the house had enough of her about three months after she moved in. They were sick of her and could not stand to follow her orders of getting her enormous food orders, cleaning up after her, and bathing her. But my uncle never refused to anything his mom asked of him.

            A codependent person is someone who loves and cares for a person to the point where it becomes harmful to not only the caretaker, but also the weaker one. Usually a co-dependent has a kind heart and is easy to take advantage of (Digilio). People suffering from co-dependency can have a variety of symptoms such as, low self-esteem, people pleaser, poor boundaries, caretaking, dysfunctional communications, and dependency (Ancer). Unfortunately, my uncle had all of these symptoms. He suffers from low self-esteem due to not feeling like his is good enough for his mom. With her health issues and not being able to cure her or even help her he seems to think he is not adequate enough for her (Ancer). A huge red flag for him is the people pleasing. As you can already tell he is always trying to please her, even if that means missing out on something important with his own children. A people pleaser does not think they can ever say “no” because that causes anxiety and confrontation some of the time, and that is the last thing these types of people want. Uncle has gone way out of the way for Grandma Vivian just to satisfy her (Ancer). The biggest one is the care taking characteristics he has for her. He knows she has health problems and only wants to try and help, but that is actually making the situation worse on both of them.  It is a natural feeling most all of us have to feel empathy for someone in need, but codependents tend to put people ahead of themselves. In fact, the caretaker may feel rejected if the one in need is refusing to seek their help. However all they want is to help everyone and fix their problems before their own. Just like my uncle caring for Grandma Vivian and basically forgetting about his family he needed to be around for because all of his duties were fulfilled to his mom (Ancer).

Within about five years of moving in Grandma Vivian somehow got back on track and lost enough weight to be able to move out and try to start a new healthy life on her own. His whole life for about five years evolved around his mom (my Grandma). He forgot all about his children and missed most of the older one’s high school career, and the two younger children’s junior high. He was so wrapped up in his mom that it was almost life no one else existed. He had no true control. True control is having control over yourself and your emotions. If you have true control you act upon your behavioral choices of trying to feel in control. At this point in time he had artificial control. This is where you have a feeling of being very powerful and people need you. Basically, the feeling of being wanted is how you feel. This is when codependency ruins a life and starts damaging (Frank). After, she moved out Becky (Uncle Marks wife) had enough and asked for a divorce. My uncle was devastated and could not believe he let his moms’ health ruin his marriage. He had been putting so much effort into making sure she was taken care of that he totally forgot about his wife and kids almost. His life came crashing down very quickly.

            He had been so blind sided by this he basically shut down. His life has been a complete struggle due to playing the role as care taker. It was like he is living a complete lie. Pretending like he was not in denial of what has happened through all these hard years, yet he was. He did not want to face the fact. Uncle mark seems to think that it is not his problem, but someone else’s. When someone in is denial they just want to try and fix the other persons, instead of taking themselves out of the situation (Ancer). He was not willing to reach out for help and try to resolve the conflict within. So, if he was not going to come to us for help, we went to him.

            An intervention would be perfect for his sake everyone though. An intervention is attempts to get someone to seek professional help with their crisis (Ancer).  There are two types of an intervention a direct or indirect. My family took the direct route. This is where you approach them up font and do not beat around the bush. You just come out and say it. They all gathered the week before and came up with a plan to out the intervention for help. The day finally came and it was time to confront him with his problem and try and pull him out of the hell hole he had dug himself into. I can remember my mom being gone from like nine o’clock in the morning until nine o’clock that night. When she walked in the door she looked frustrated and irritated. I can vividly remember her saying to dad, “well we tried everything, but he is set in his ways and can not see what is happening on the outside.” She is right, because he cannot see what this is doing to himself on the outside or even the inside. All he can see is that she needs help and he is willing to do whatever she needs to be comfortable.  He disagreed with everyone saying, “ There is no problem. I am totally fine, because as long as my mom is happy I am happy.” They finally just dropped it.

            About two years after this all occurred, uncle make thought he had put this all past him. He had bought a house and reconnected with his children and grandchild. He and Bayliegh (his youngest daughter) got so close that they lived together. Uncle Mark was living his life to the fullest and not even looking back at what had happened back in the days. Grandma Vivian, on the other hand, was going back to her old ways. She had gained all the weight back and plus some. She was diagnosed with diabetes, high blood pressure and cholesterol, and fifty percent of the arties in her heart are blocked due to so much fat. No doctor will perform surgery on her due to the liability issues. After all of the years of taking care of her and sacrificing he had a long talk with my mom about her moving back up here with him and Bayliegh. They both came to conclusions in was best for her, because they did not want her to go to a nursing home. They moved her back in and told Mark he could not fall back into the hole e had dug the first time. At first he was doing great, not letting her get in the way of his personal life. But if got gradually worse as time went on. Today, Bayliegh lives with her older brother in Durant Oklahoma because she got sick of him taking care of her and his new wife. He is slowly falling back into his old ways. Before we all know it he will to his old ways. Looks like there is no way to help someone who is in denial of their actions, but maybe another invention will do. In fact I think my Grandma is actually planning on for him within the next month. With all her health issues she will be living there for the rest of her life. They are both set in their ways. She is not willing to lose weight and get the surgery to get out of his hair and he is not willing to put her in a nursing home.  Maybe another invention would be the best bet to resolve this resolution. From the outside looking in there is no way out of playing this role.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Conflict Resolution Rough Drtaft

A Way Out

            Is there ever a way out of being a caretaker to an obese person? Ever since I can recall, my Grandma V has been struggling with her weight. She now weighs almost three hundred pounds. When I was a toddle, she lived on her own in a very small house in Blanchard, Oklahoma. Once her weight got to the point where it was to dangerous to live on her own, my uncle Mark (her son) invited Grandma V into his home just on the other side of town.  He has always been her caretaker when she was not able to do anything on her own. He has basically put his life on hold in order to meet her needs and make sure she had everything. With his story of being a co-depender of my Grandma, he is facing some of the toughest times in his life.

Uncle Mark has five children with his ex-wife Colby, Cassie, Laura, Bayliegh, and Preston. They all lived in a four-bedroom three-bathroom home. As you can tell it was already pretty packed in there, so adding another person to the equation just caused chaos. Not only did Grandma V come to stay, she also had to bring her three dogs that were inside pets. Uncle Mark could not tell his mom “no”, so now there were eight people in a house plus three dogs. Everyone in the house had enough of her about three months after she moved in. They were sick of her and could not stand to follow her orders of getting her enormous food orders, cleaning up after her, and bathing her. But my uncle never refused to anything his mom asked of him.

            A codependent person is someone who loves and cares for a person to the point where it becomes harmful to not only the caretaker, but also the weaker one. Usually a co-dependent has a kind heart and is easy to take advantage of (Digilio). Within about five years of moving in Grandma V somehow got back on track and lost enough weight to be able to move out and try to start a new healthy life on her own. His whole life for about five years evolved around his mom (my Grandma). He forgot all about his children and missed most of the older one’s high school career, and the two younger children’s junior high. He was so wrapped up in his mom that it was almost life no one else existed. He had no true control. True control is having control over yourself and your emotions. If you have true control you act upon your behavioral choices of trying to feel in control. At this point in time he had artificial control. This is where you have a feeling of being very powerful and people need you. Basically, the feeling of being wanted is how you feel. This is when codependency ruins a life and starts damaging (Frank). After, she moved out Becky (Uncle Marks wife) had enough and asked for a divorce. My uncle was devastated and could not believe he let his moms’ health ruin his marriage. He had been putting so much effort into making sure she was taken care of that he totally forgot about his wife and kids almost. His life came crashing down very quickly.

            He had been so blind sided by this he basically shut down.

            About two years after this all occurred, uncle make thought he had put this all past him. He had bought a house and reconnected with his children and grandchild. He and Bayliegh (his youngest daughter) got so close that they lived together. He found a woman who was perfect for him and was not ashamed of his past. Uncle Mark was living his life to the fullest and not even looking back at what had happened back in the days. Grandma V, on the other hand, was going back to her old ways. She had gained all the weight back and plus some. She was diagnosed with diabetes, high blood pressure and cholesterol, and fifty percent of the artiers in her heart are blocked due to so much fat. No doctor will perform surgery on her due to the liability issues. After all of the years of taking care of her and sacrificing he had a long talk with my mom about her moving back up here with him and Bayliegh. They both came to conclusions in was best for her, because they did not want her to go to a nursing home. His girlfriend was okay with this and knew was could happen and so did Bayliegh. They moved her back in and told Mark he could not fall back into the hole e had dug the first time. At first he was doing great, not letting her get in the way of his personal life. But if got gradually worse as time went on. Today, Bayliegh lives with her older brother in Durant Oklahoma because she got sick of him taking care of her and his new wife. He is slowly falling back into his old ways. Before we all know it he will to his old ways. Looks like there is no way to help someone who is in denial of their actions, but maybe another invention will do. In fact I think my Grandma is actually planning on for him within the next month. With all her health issues she will be living there for the rest of her life. They are both set in their ways. She is not willing to lose weight and get the surgery to get out of his hair and he is not willing to put her in a nursing home. Only time will tell about this ongoing problem in our family.